Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The Great Coffee Conspiracy

I don't drink coffee. I don't like coffee. The smell of coffee makes me sick to my stomach. A friend tried to entice me into the conspiracy of coffee drinkers by purchasing me a Latte from one of those well-known coffee cafes. "Coffee is a learned taste", he said. "Once you taste it, you'll enjoy it." Because I felt beholden to drink the five dollar coffee he bought me, I choked down the entire cup. For the next four hours a was shaking like a leaf on a windy day. "It can't be good for a person to shake like this", I said. "Oh, you'll get used to it. Pretty soon, you start to enjoy it." Really?

Whenever I go to an event that serves coffee, you can be sure to find caffinated, de-caffinated, and one of the boutique flavors enticing coffee drinkers to satisfy their base urges. Since I drink tea, I always approach the coffee cart cautiously hoping that this time the non-coffee drinkers among us have not been descriminated against yet again. My hopes are often thwarted and I am required to go beaverageless once more.

There is a great coffee conspiracy in America thanks to Starbucks and all the other coffee sellers. Oh, sure, I can order hot chocolate or a chai in one of those coffee places only to have the person waiting on me sneer at me as if to say, "What is your problem? Why don't you drink coffee like everyone else in the world?" So while the rest of the world gets their jolt of caffiene morning, noon and night, I must either give up and join the ranks of the rest of the coffee drinkers, or get used to the ridicule and descrimination that I feel everytime I ask for a cup of tea. For those who have not yet been converted to the great coffee conspiracy, it's only a matter of time. I'll hold out with my Tetley Tea for as long as I can. But, I suspect that even I willl eventually succomb.


At 12:55 PM, Blogger Barb Hungerford said...

Stand firm, brother. I am with you on this one 100%.


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